tele vision set's Journal
[Most Recent Entries]
[Calendar View]
[Friends]
Below are the 16 most recent journal entries recorded in
tele vision set's LiveJournal:
| Tuesday, May 13th, 2008 | | 6:52 pm |
What we've gathered thus far-
Just 11 days of this routine left. School will be over along with my current job.
I'm starting fresh. Starting over. A lot of things are going to change. No more of my sorry excuse of friends, or lack of. I can't say I've made any friendships that will last, in the past couple of years. I tend to attract the same type of people. Usually selfish ones. I'm tired of all that.
Currently, I'm feeling drained, unmotivated, not wanting to ever get out of bed, neglected, optimistic though, looking forward, excited, contemplative, and then some.
I don't know, I guess I am just more than prepared for what I'm about to face.
Whatever that may be. |
| Tuesday, May 6th, 2008 | | 6:06 pm |
Everything is speeding up.
I almost can't keep up. |
| Sunday, May 4th, 2008 | | 6:58 pm |
Exchanging my currency
The landfill we have fallen into. If you were to take a snap shot of this place, we are surrounding by, our prison. How much I love you, if only you could comprehend this.
This space of time I've filled with the most horrible but brilliant experiences and memories. I can't but help think or wonder what it has all been for or come down to. I feel so deeply to explain myself to you, if only I had one small place to begin, one single point. You have been there right with me, but some kind of different time you've had. I don't even feel like our lives are syncing up anymore. I am losing myself and gaining myself everyday. I fall into holes and dig myself back out. Everything makes sense, after I've absolutely lost it. There is something eating away at my insides. Call it what you want, anxiety ect. I starting to feel my soul again. There was this large gap of time when I didn't know where the hell it was. It ran off on me. I felt gutted and gone. Nothing. Dragging on and on behind the outskirts of the shit happening around us. The walls were coming down. I'm far from that now. I have some empty hope, of something. I feel it ending and beginning all in one small breath. I'm not afraid of anything anymore, not death or life or being alone. I'm not afraid of being without you. I want you to stick around though. I've wanted this more than anything in my life. I'm coming to terms with myself. My stability. Finding something inside of me, to hold everything above. To at least float above water. Self understanding. Self communication.
Sunday always comes back to bite. |
| Thursday, May 1st, 2008 | | 12:11 pm |
The things I've seen, experienced, and felt. I wish I could tell you all of these things. You would rather not know at all. |
| Wednesday, April 30th, 2008 | | 5:45 pm |
|
| Tuesday, April 29th, 2008 | | 11:08 am |
It's good to know that you aren't ever alone in what you are feeling. There is someone else in the same boat, floating on.
This high school experience is almost over and I'm thankful. I can't help but remember and think back. And wonder how things could have been different, if we could have changed something. I'm happy for where I am at present time, the things that I take for granted and will soon realize these are things that are going to shape me. This is going to make me the person I will be.
The hardest year of my life so far. This will all be worth it. I can't wait until I look back and see that. |
| Wednesday, April 23rd, 2008 | | 7:57 pm |
I am not sure what to think now. Feelings overwhelmed. I just don't know how to feel about all of this. |
| Monday, April 21st, 2008 | | 9:50 pm |
Trust.
The essential ingredient to every family, friendship and relationship. My lack of closeness and all three categories is the result of a lack of trust. I feel like no one is worthy of it. I do trust the person I am with, mostly. I do lack close friendships. It's hard though. I have so many reasons not to be close to people. I want to though. I want trust. I need new friendships and experiences. I need to put myself out there, let go a bit. I need to let go of everything that is restraining me from living. My anxiety, depression, all of those negative feelings and negative people. It's a tough goal but I'm willing to work at it. I feel so much change overcoming me. I feel myself evolving from the inside out. |
| Saturday, April 19th, 2008 | | 5:15 pm |
|
| Thursday, April 17th, 2008 | | 7:06 am |
|
| Wednesday, April 16th, 2008 | | 7:07 am |
In the past couple of days, I've found balance. Things seem like they are getting better. I can only go up from here. I think I've already hit my lowest point, a few months ago. I just want my life back. |
| Monday, April 14th, 2008 | | 6:00 pm |
|
| Saturday, April 12th, 2008 | | 7:03 pm |
|
| Tuesday, April 8th, 2008 | | 8:07 pm |
|
| Monday, April 7th, 2008 | | 9:32 pm |
As of late, my top priority is to plan for a summer trip.
I need to get away. I am pondering location and destination. I'm open for suggestions. (Keep in mind, we are driving). I'm thinking we will be gone for several weeks. |
| Sunday, April 6th, 2008 | | 1:55 pm |
|
|
